The Island of Misfit Toys
Hey Everyone,
Merry Christmas and all that stuff. So, last night I was watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV. I realized that there’s a lot of empty holes in the story itself.
Like, what is up with Hermes? You can’t be a dentist by reading a book on dentistry, you have to go through many years of Dental school. Also, did he ever think of the problem, he’s an elf. Normally the Dentist chair raises up. But when he works on your teeth, would the chair go down, so he could see into your mouth?
What was up with Rudolph’s father, Donner? Why does he have a thick New York accent? Is that a normal accent in the north pole? Santa doesn’t talk like that.
So, there’s many gripping questions, that I can not answer. But most of my questions come from the Island of Misfit Toys. So, I will try to come up with answers for my own questions, so begins another exciting article.
The first toy we meet is a Jack in the Box named Charlie. This really makes him a misfit toy? Here’s all he has to do. Charlie needs to type “legally change your name” in google. Soon, he’ll come up with many different advertisements, like this one:
For $39.97, he can change his name, so what’s the big deal? He’s no misfit, he just had evil parents.
They never once say what’s wrong with the misfit doll? I can’t see anything wrong with her? So, I’ve come to the conclusion, that it’s a cross dresser. I mean what other explanation is there? So, I’m saying transvestite on this one.
The elephant is upset because “Who would want an elephant with spots?”. Well, maybe this is just one of the most racist christmas specials ever. Perhaps his mother was a Leopard and his Father was an elephant, or vice versa. Or, more realistically, the factory creating stuffed elephants ran out of the grey elephant fabric, and decided to use polka dots. Really, get over it. You know, you can put on some clothes, and no one will see your spots.
So, here’s another thing that confuses me. All the misfit toys are singing and dancing about how awful life is. But, they say that Christmas is the most wonderful day of the year. You would think Christmas would be their least favorite day. I mean, they get passed up by Santa Claus & no kids want to play with them. I would call that a depressing day, not a wonderful day!
This so called ‘toy’ always made me angry. First of all this is a Cowboy riding a Ostrich. It’s a human being, not a toy. Plus, if he’s a human being, he can make choices in his life. Riding an Ostrich was just one of his many bad choices in life. Why doesn’t he just cook the bird, sell some Ostrich burgers and use that money to buy a horse, viola!
The bird that doesn’t fly, he swims, needs to start referring to himself as a fish instead of a bird. Why do you even call yourself a bird? It’s kind of like how the Male Seahorse lays eggs. Why don’t they just call that seahorse the female one.
Okay, this is the Water pistol that shoots Jelly. First of all, I would love to have a water gun that shot jelly. It’d be just a cooler toy if you can get people all sticky. But, there’s an easy fix to this one. Stop filling up your reservoir with jelly! Fill it with water!
Okay, I think I can actually call this misfit toy, one with a legitimate problem. He has square wheels on his caboose. I mean, he could just have them fixed. Okay, this isn’t a legitimate problem. Wheels are removable! Remove the square ones, put on round ones. Yep, it’s that simple!
Okay, maybe we have come to a real misfit. This boat, doesn’t float. Maybe he could be given away as firewood. Because really a boat that doesn’t float is pretty much useless.
Okay, there’s many of no-names in the misfit toys. There’s a scooter with no known problems, except maybe for the fact that no one wants a yellow scooter. There’s a fire engine, a bike, a sailboat, toy soldiers, & a blue bear with wings. I’m beginning to think this is just a support group for complain-a-holics. Nobody’s perfect!
Well, here’s the island leader, King Moon Razor. He flys around every night looking for misfit toys and brings them here. I think he’s got an ulterior motive. I think he wants slaves! I mean, look at his huge castle, look at all that living space, nothing going on in there. He doesn’t even have a tv in there. But, he’s in the castle, while the toys are sitting out in the cold snow. What’s the point? Why didn’t he make the island in the Florida Keys. Maybe somewhere tropical. They’re depressed enough, why bring them to a freezing climate? Maybe the land is cheaper up north.
Okay, here’s some proof that he got the toys for slaves. Look at the polka dot elephant, he’s now dressed in a bell hop uniform showing Rudolph, Yukon, & Hermes to their sleeping quarters.
And look at this small room King Moon Razor gave them. There’s 3 of them, and they have one small bed.
Well, anyway, that pretty much concludes my gripes about the Island of Misfit toys. But here’s a bonus video for you:
Here’s a Deleted scene from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It’s Sam the Snowman in an unexpected slip up.
I hope you enjoyed my look at the Misfit Toys.
- Greg
12/01/05
15 Responses to “The Island of Misfit Toys”
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Josh Epley
01. Dec, 2005
Let me first begin by saying this is the most compelling article I have read to date. Those mind-blowing observations about the “misfit” toys really got me thinking. hmmm..? And the deleted scene…well, that’s just a cinematic treasure! I guess we’re all misfits in this crazy cold world.
Bogie
03. Dec, 2005
Good observations. “Spellcheck” a must for the editor.
jennY
04. Dec, 2007
what a treasure to find your article! i love your description of the toys! i am watching rudolph on TV right now!
Dana B
20. Dec, 2007
Absolutely captivating!
nicole
16. Dec, 2008
I think that you are making a mountain out a molehill!! Get a life this is a classic, Stop analyzing childrens tales and get a life would you rather it be about shooting on the streets and give people more crazy ideas?
moc10
24. Dec, 2008
the dolls problem is phycological her owner left her so shes sad and at the end she sounds suicidal i mean “i havnt got any dreams left to dreams” and nicole its a very popular christmas subject so hush
Mary
25. Dec, 2008
I am one of five children, all of us in our 40′s. we grew up waiting with baited breath for these Christmas specials to come on. We still, to this day sing every word and watch every special (on DVD now) every Christmas. My sister and I were assigning each of our family members a misfit…we are crying laughing at your observations…you are definately a clever guy, Greg. Thanks for making my sister and I laugh so hard we cried when we just wanted to cry because we are not together this Christmas!!!
Josh
02. Jan, 2009
I posted a comment to this article on the day that it was submitted in early December 2005. Now that it has been revisited, I believe I was too hasty with my remarks. I now agree with Nicole, Greg, you really do need to get a life, this is cartoon is a “classic”! How dare you attempt to tear it down with your ridiculous “observations”. Move on, grow up, and write something that we can all relate to, like the lousy economy, the never ending war, or rising cancer rates. I can not believe that you would attempt to bring a little sarcastic humor to my life.
Irene Liu
22. Jan, 2009
Well done. Critics should lighten up. Why so sensitive? Can’t we enjoy anything in life anymore? I LOVE Rudolph. I love making fun of Rudolph! Just this past Christmas my sis and I were mocking King Moonrazor for enslaving the toys! (clapping his big paws together, beckoning, “Footman!” and suddenly the polka dot elephant appears! – how did he get up there so fast? Wasn’t he just down in the snow whining with the other misfit toys? I’ll have to watch this again to scrutinize all the flaws… it’s been years! My fav was always Coach Comet – he’s the one with the crazy accent. Not Donner. It’s not a New York accent either. It’s New England or East Coast for sure though. Hysterical. Thanks for this trip down memory lane. You’re a riot.
John
13. Sep, 2009
I found this article a bit late. Wow, talk about over analyzing something and putting down a classic. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. The millions of others that do LOVE it every year will. It’s not to be taken seriously. It’s a classic Christmas special from 1964.
trish
25. Oct, 2009
awesome!!! love it!!!!
trish
25. Oct, 2009
oh my gosh!! i just now read some of the critical remarks people left for you…people are so dumb!!! its just like all those people who criticized bonsai kitten!!! keep it up!!!
Patty
20. Nov, 2009
We make Fun of Rudolph every year- especially Santa. He is such a jerk in the beginning to Rudolph and Donner!
“You should be ashamed of yourself!”
What the heck!! haha.
I love Rudolph though! & after that one time after the snowman is like “Ahhhhh” in the beginning..I won’t ever watch it the same without laughing!
Jill
23. Dec, 2009
Fan-freaking-tastic. Not only are your observations completly valid and on point, but you have very generously offer solutions to all the ‘misfit’ toys problems. You really are a humanitarian. Well done and hilarious. I will never watch Rudolph the same way again.
Jill
23. Dec, 2009
One more thing…. to everyone on this post that are stating that Greg has “overanalyzed” and “ruined a classic”, have you not ever heard of humor?? Seriously, many of you said “get a life”, well, find a sense of humor people. Clearly this post was out of love for a classic, but that doesnt mean that there are not some clever observations to be had about anything in life, whether its the horrible things that Josh pointed out, or a beloved, yet cheesy christmas special that we all watch every year. As my buddy Chuck B. woud say “Good Greif!”