The Island of Misfit Toys
Merry Christmas and all that stuff. So, last night I was watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV. I realized that there’s a lot of empty holes in the story itself.
Like, what is up with Hermes? You can’t be a dentist by reading a book on dentistry, you have to go through many years of Dental school. Also, did he ever think of the problem, he’s an elf. Normally the Dentist chair raises up. But when he works on your teeth, would the chair go down, so he could see into your mouth?
What was up with Rudolph’s father, Donner? Why does he have a thick New York accent? Is that a normal accent in the north pole? Santa doesn’t talk like that.
So, there’s many gripping questions, that I can not answer. But most of my questions come from the Island of Misfit Toys. So, I will try to come up with answers for my own questions, so begins another exciting article.
The first toy we meet is a Jack in the Box named Charlie. This really makes him a misfit toy? Here’s all he has to do. Charlie needs to type “legally change your name” in google. Soon, he’ll come up with many different advertisements, like this one:
For $39.97, he can change his name, so what’s the big deal? He’s no misfit, he just had evil parents.
They never once say what’s wrong with the misfit doll? I can’t see anything wrong with her? So, I’ve come to the conclusion, that it’s a cross dresser. I mean what other explanation is there? So, I’m saying transvestite on this one.
The elephant is upset because “Who would want an elephant with spots?”. Well, maybe this is just one of the most racist christmas specials ever. Perhaps his mother was a Leopard and his Father was an elephant, or vice versa. Or, more realistically, the factory creating stuffed elephants ran out of the grey elephant fabric, and decided to use polka dots. Really, get over it. You know, you can put on some clothes, and no one will see your spots.
So, here’s another thing that confuses me. All the misfit toys are singing and dancing about how awful life is. But, they say that Christmas is the most wonderful day of the year. You would think Christmas would be their least favorite day. I mean, they get passed up by Santa Claus & no kids want to play with them. I would call that a depressing day, not a wonderful day!
This so called ‘toy’ always made me angry. First of all this is a Cowboy riding a Ostrich. It’s a human being, not a toy. Plus, if he’s a human being, he can make choices in his life. Riding an Ostrich was just one of his many bad choices in life. Why doesn’t he just cook the bird, sell some Ostrich burgers and use that money to buy a horse, viola!
The bird that doesn’t fly, he swims, needs to start referring to himself as a fish instead of a bird. Why do you even call yourself a bird? It’s kind of like how the Male Seahorse lays eggs. Why don’t they just call that seahorse the female one.
Okay, this is the Water pistol that shoots Jelly. First of all, I would love to have a water gun that shot jelly. It’d be just a cooler toy if you can get people all sticky. But, there’s an easy fix to this one. Stop filling up your reservoir with jelly! Fill it with water!
Okay, I think I can actually call this misfit toy, one with a legitimate problem. He has square wheels on his caboose. I mean, he could just have them fixed. Okay, this isn’t a legitimate problem. Wheels are removable! Remove the square ones, put on round ones. Yep, it’s that simple!
Okay, maybe we have come to a real misfit. This boat, doesn’t float. Maybe he could be given away as firewood. Because really a boat that doesn’t float is pretty much useless.
Okay, there’s many of no-names in the misfit toys. There’s a scooter with no known problems, except maybe for the fact that no one wants a yellow scooter. There’s a fire engine, a bike, a sailboat, toy soldiers, & a blue bear with wings. I’m beginning to think this is just a support group for complain-a-holics. Nobody’s perfect!
Well, here’s the island leader, King Moonracer. He flys around every night looking for misfit toys and brings them here. I think he’s got an ulterior motive. I think he wants slaves! I mean, look at his huge castle, look at all that living space, nothing going on in there. He doesn’t even have a tv in there. But, he’s in the castle, while the toys are sitting out in the cold snow. What’s the point? Why didn’t he make the island in the Florida Keys. Maybe somewhere tropical. They’re depressed enough, why bring them to a freezing climate? Maybe the land is cheaper up north.
Okay, here’s some proof that he got the toys for slaves. Look at the polka dot elephant, he’s now dressed in a bell hop uniform showing Rudolph, Yukon, & Hermes to their sleeping quarters.
And look at this small room King Moonracer gave them. There’s 3 of them, and they have one small bed.
Well, anyway, that pretty much concludes my gripes about the Island of Misfit toys. But here’s a bonus video for you:
Here’s a Deleted scene from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It’s Sam the Snowman in an unexpected slip up.
I hope you enjoyed my look at the Misfit Toys.
UPDATE: Thanks to Commenter “Pooh” for letting me know about this. At the end of Rudolph, The Elf in Santa’s sleigh sends the non-flying bird plummeting to his death: