The Island of Misfit Toys

Island of Misfit Toys

Hey Everyone,

Merry Christmas and all that stuff. So, last night I was watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV. I realized that there’s a lot of empty holes in the story itself.

Like, what is up with Hermes? You can’t be a dentist by reading a book on dentistry, you have to go through many years of Dental school. Also, did he ever think of the problem, he’s an elf. Normally the Dentist chair raises up. But when he works on your teeth, would the chair go down, so he could see into your mouth?

What was up with Rudolph’s father, Donner? Why does he have a thick New York accent? Is that a normal accent in the north pole? Santa doesn’t talk like that.

So, there’s many gripping questions, that I can not answer. But most of my questions come from the Island of Misfit Toys. So, I will try to come up with answers for my own questions, so begins another exciting article.

Charlie in the Box

The first toy we meet is a Jack in the Box named Charlie. This really makes him a misfit toy? Here’s all he has to do. Charlie needs to type “legally change your name” in google. Soon, he’ll come up with many different advertisements, like this one:
change your name
For $39.97, he can change his name, so what’s the big deal? He’s no misfit, he just had evil parents.

The Doll

They never once say what’s wrong with the misfit doll? I can’t see anything wrong with her? So, I’ve come to the conclusion, that it’s a cross dresser. I mean what other explanation is there? So, I’m saying transvestite on this one.

elephant with spots

The elephant is upset because “Who would want an elephant with spots?”. Well, maybe this is just one of the most racist christmas specials ever. Perhaps his mother was a Leopard and his Father was an elephant, or vice versa. Or, more realistically, the factory creating stuffed elephants ran out of the grey elephant fabric, and decided to use polka dots. Really, get over it. You know, you can put on some clothes, and no one will see your spots.

Toys Singing

So, here’s another thing that confuses me. All the misfit toys are singing and dancing about how awful life is. But, they say that Christmas is the most wonderful day of the year. You would think Christmas would be their least favorite day. I mean, they get passed up by Santa Claus & no kids want to play with them. I would call that a depressing day, not a wonderful day!

cowboy & bird

This so called ‘toy’ always made me angry. First of all this is a Cowboy riding a Ostrich. It’s a human being, not a toy. Plus, if he’s a human being, he can make choices in his life. Riding an Ostrich was just one of his many bad choices in life. Why doesn’t he just cook the bird, sell some Ostrich burgers and use that money to buy a horse, viola!

The bird that doesn’t fly, he swims, needs to start referring to himself as a fish instead of a bird. Why do you even call yourself a bird? It’s kind of like how the Male Seahorse lays eggs. Why don’t they just call that seahorse the female one.

Water Pistol

Okay, this is the Water pistol that shoots Jelly. First of all, I would love to have a water gun that shot jelly. It’d be just a cooler toy if you can get people all sticky. But, there’s an easy fix to this one. Stop filling up your reservoir with jelly! Fill it with water!

Train

Okay, I think I can actually call this misfit toy, one with a legitimate problem. He has square wheels on his caboose. I mean, he could just have them fixed. Okay, this isn’t a legitimate problem. Wheels are removable! Remove the square ones, put on round ones. Yep, it’s that simple!

boat

Okay, maybe we have come to a real misfit. This boat, doesn’t float. Maybe he could be given away as firewood. Because really a boat that doesn’t float is pretty much useless.

what's wrong!?

Okay, there’s many of no-names in the misfit toys. There’s a scooter with no known problems, except maybe for the fact that no one wants a yellow scooter. There’s a fire engine, a bike, a sailboat, toy soldiers, & a blue bear with wings. I’m beginning to think this is just a support group for complain-a-holics. Nobody’s perfect!

King MoonRacer

Well, here’s the island leader, King Moonracer. He flys around every night looking for misfit toys and brings them here. I think he’s got an ulterior motive. I think he wants slaves! I mean, look at his huge castle, look at all that living space, nothing going on in there. He doesn’t even have a tv in there. But, he’s in the castle, while the toys are sitting out in the cold snow. What’s the point? Why didn’t he make the island in the Florida Keys. Maybe somewhere tropical. They’re depressed enough, why bring them to a freezing climate? Maybe the land is cheaper up north.

Butler

Okay, here’s some proof that he got the toys for slaves. Look at the polka dot elephant, he’s now dressed in a bell hop uniform showing Rudolph, Yukon, & Hermes to their sleeping quarters.

Sleeping Quarters

And look at this small room King Moonracer gave them. There’s 3 of them, and they have one small bed.

Well, anyway, that pretty much concludes my gripes about the Island of Misfit toys. But here’s a bonus video for you:

Here’s a Deleted scene from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It’s Sam the Snowman in an unexpected slip up.

I hope you enjoyed my look at the Misfit Toys.

– Greg
12/01/05

UPDATE: Thanks to Commenter “Pooh” for letting me know about this. At the end of Rudolph, The Elf in Santa’s sleigh sends the non-flying bird plummeting to his death:

39 Responses to “The Island of Misfit Toys”

  1. Josh Epley

    01. Dec, 2005

    Let me first begin by saying this is the most compelling article I have read to date. Those mind-blowing observations about the “misfit” toys really got me thinking. hmmm..? And the deleted scene…well, that’s just a cinematic treasure! I guess we’re all misfits in this crazy cold world.

  2. Bogie

    03. Dec, 2005

    Good observations. “Spellcheck” a must for the editor.

  3. jennY

    04. Dec, 2007

    what a treasure to find your article! i love your description of the toys! i am watching rudolph on TV right now!

  4. Dana B

    20. Dec, 2007

    Absolutely captivating!

  5. nicole

    16. Dec, 2008

    I think that you are making a mountain out a molehill!! Get a life this is a classic, Stop analyzing childrens tales and get a life would you rather it be about shooting on the streets and give people more crazy ideas?

  6. moc10

    24. Dec, 2008

    the dolls problem is phycological her owner left her so shes sad and at the end she sounds suicidal i mean “i havnt got any dreams left to dreams” and nicole its a very popular christmas subject so hush

  7. Mary

    25. Dec, 2008

    I am one of five children, all of us in our 40’s. we grew up waiting with baited breath for these Christmas specials to come on. We still, to this day sing every word and watch every special (on DVD now) every Christmas. My sister and I were assigning each of our family members a misfit…we are crying laughing at your observations…you are definately a clever guy, Greg. Thanks for making my sister and I laugh so hard we cried when we just wanted to cry because we are not together this Christmas!!!

  8. Josh

    02. Jan, 2009

    I posted a comment to this article on the day that it was submitted in early December 2005. Now that it has been revisited, I believe I was too hasty with my remarks. I now agree with Nicole, Greg, you really do need to get a life, this is cartoon is a “classic”! How dare you attempt to tear it down with your ridiculous “observations”. Move on, grow up, and write something that we can all relate to, like the lousy economy, the never ending war, or rising cancer rates. I can not believe that you would attempt to bring a little sarcastic humor to my life.

  9. Irene Liu

    22. Jan, 2009

    Well done. Critics should lighten up. Why so sensitive? Can’t we enjoy anything in life anymore? I LOVE Rudolph. I love making fun of Rudolph! Just this past Christmas my sis and I were mocking King Moonrazor for enslaving the toys! (clapping his big paws together, beckoning, “Footman!” and suddenly the polka dot elephant appears! – how did he get up there so fast? Wasn’t he just down in the snow whining with the other misfit toys? I’ll have to watch this again to scrutinize all the flaws… it’s been years! My fav was always Coach Comet – he’s the one with the crazy accent. Not Donner. It’s not a New York accent either. It’s New England or East Coast for sure though. Hysterical. Thanks for this trip down memory lane. You’re a riot.

  10. John

    13. Sep, 2009

    I found this article a bit late. Wow, talk about over analyzing something and putting down a classic. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. The millions of others that do LOVE it every year will. It’s not to be taken seriously. It’s a classic Christmas special from 1964.

  11. trish

    25. Oct, 2009

    awesome!!! love it!!!!

  12. trish

    25. Oct, 2009

    oh my gosh!! i just now read some of the critical remarks people left for you…people are so dumb!!! its just like all those people who criticized bonsai kitten!!! keep it up!!!

  13. Patty

    20. Nov, 2009

    We make Fun of Rudolph every year- especially Santa. He is such a jerk in the beginning to Rudolph and Donner!

    “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
    What the heck!! haha.

    I love Rudolph though! & after that one time after the snowman is like “Ahhhhh” in the beginning..I won’t ever watch it the same without laughing! đŸ™‚

  14. Jill

    23. Dec, 2009

    Fan-freaking-tastic. Not only are your observations completly valid and on point, but you have very generously offer solutions to all the ‘misfit’ toys problems. You really are a humanitarian. Well done and hilarious. I will never watch Rudolph the same way again.

  15. Jill

    23. Dec, 2009

    One more thing…. to everyone on this post that are stating that Greg has “overanalyzed” and “ruined a classic”, have you not ever heard of humor?? Seriously, many of you said “get a life”, well, find a sense of humor people. Clearly this post was out of love for a classic, but that doesnt mean that there are not some clever observations to be had about anything in life, whether its the horrible things that Josh pointed out, or a beloved, yet cheesy christmas special that we all watch every year. As my buddy Chuck B. woud say “Good Greif!”

  16. steve

    04. Dec, 2010

    I laughed my ass off tonite… DAMN FUNNY

  17. Michael Paluch

    14. Dec, 2010

    Very funny.

  18. lori

    18. Dec, 2010

    my neice wants the elephant with the spots, did they make them?

  19. Tom

    23. Dec, 2010

    This movie is classic, and should be watched to be enjoyed in the way it was inteded. Which as we all know was created by people who clearly didnt think critically about the problems they gave these toys to make the “misfits”. So watch the movie as you want, forget this artical ever happened if you dont like it. This artical is a satire and damn good. So like John said “if you dont enjoy it” dont read it. With as many spelling and gramatical errors as there were, Greg, well done.

  20. Teresa McDaniel

    12. Jul, 2011

    This is too great. I am developing my own Island of misfit toys for those of us who, for some reason or another, just don’t seem to fit the norm. I love the concept.

  21. Pooh

    05. Oct, 2011

    Yes, but my friend has always said that at the end of the show, when they are passing out the misfits, the elf looks at the bird THAT CAN’T FLY and looks at the unbrella that has every other toy float safely to the ground. The elf then throws the bird that can only swim out to his death. He always says look he killed that bird!

    look it over again at the end and see.

  22. maggie

    27. Oct, 2011

    first off its a childs movie kids arent going to look that much into the movie. so i dont understand why you wasted you time on dissecting a part in a childrens flim. its a classic so there is no reason to go around and complain about toys. geez you must not have a life if this is what your going to do. im mean seriously??? this part in the movie is to show kids that all toys need the chance to be loved and played with. i mean come on!!!!! what little kid is going be like, oh well the train with square wheels just need to take them off and get them replaced! or with the pistol, they are kids they are not gonna think this through!!. plus the fact that the toys are misfits show a moral lesson. that no matter what someone will love you. wow its ridculous that you wasted you time doing that. seriously grow up, get a life a job, somthing!!!

  23. Tommy

    28. Nov, 2011

    Maybe Hermey could study to become a dermatologist instead of a dentist. Then he could help the elephant with its spots. Very insightful article. Those who don’t agree should Google the term “satire”.

  24. Lauren

    29. Nov, 2011

    Maybe, you should just stop being an ass over a children’s movie. Just an idea.

  25. Kat

    29. Nov, 2011

    Doll has no nose.

  26. mary

    26. Jun, 2012

    I don’t know which made me laugh more… the hilarious observations in your article… or the morons who don’t understand irony. Ha.
    Very nice— thanks for the laughs.

  27. Barbara

    30. Jun, 2012

    This is so cool and funny! Thanks for posting it.

  28. Pete

    01. Dec, 2012

    And you never hear a banjo (although Burl Ives the snowman) is playoing one in the song “Silver and Gold”.

    Fireball was certainly a fair-weather friend.

    And that whole discriminating fascist coach thing.

    And they had to get “the women folk” home…..

  29. Dawn McGurl

    02. Dec, 2012

    It is King Moonracer..not Razor.

  30. Greg

    02. Dec, 2012

    @Dawn: after 7 years of this being up, you’re the first to notice my mistake. It’s been fixed.

  31. Tommy

    14. Dec, 2012

    Plus to pooh’s comment after the elf throws all the misfit toys Santa only puts all the fisfit toys on one block and keeps the perfect ones in his sack.Its not the toys fault that they were made perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. Tommy

    14. Dec, 2012

    Plus to pooh’s comment after the elf throws all the misfit toys Santa only puts all the misfit toys on one block and keeps the perfect ones in his sack.Its not the toys fault that they were made perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Billy

    10. Dec, 2013

    Loved you observations, and to all those who were offended by them, lighten up, the entire article is suppose to be sarcastic and the snowman clip is classic..lol

  34. rebekah

    15. Dec, 2013

    Hahaha!!! I found it funny! I don’t get the comment about you using spell check though, perhaps I should read it again? Personally the only thing I found that I thought was wrong was that the male seahorse lays the eggs…I could be wrong, but I think he merely just incubates them…but great article none the less!!!

  35. Paul Donaghey

    31. Dec, 2013

    The doll cries ice cube tears or some shit like that. Can you imagine how horrid it would’ve been to have a fucking sad sack toy like that- not to mention dangerous. Wake up, step on frozen tears and bounce your forehead off the nightstand? Charlie in the box could indeed change his name but his peircing voice would remain… That’s just gotta go. I think a pen knife and a little time would cure that quite nicely . The airplane that liked to go underwater… Wouldn’t that fall under “watersports”? There’s just a time and a place planey … The elephants spotting surely made some annoying bitch scream “gluten” … Allergies maybe but seliac affects .01 percent so… Shut the fuck up. That’s like saying being struck by lightning is the cause of 90% of all ailments….I repeat, shut the fuck up. The cowboy is obviously hiding some broke back mountain “peg in hole” need. Dude, dismount the ostrich & mount the next chap wearing pretty boy that crosses your path… You’ll be right as rain I recon..

  36. Maryann Farrell

    02. Mar, 2016

    Thanks for all the laughs you gave me.
    I loved how the other guy pointed out about the bird at the end. That had me laughing the hardest. After all these years watching. I never really noticed half the stuff pointed out here.
    Thanks againđŸ˜€

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