Hey Everyone!
It's Greg, hey, it's been awhile since I've actually wrote a legitimate article. I've been busy doing nothing. I'm finally out of school so I should be cranking these a lot more frequently then I am. I just need to get a flow going.

Anyway, Welcome to one of my How I spent my Summer Vacation articles. So, grab a bowl of generic corn pops, and get ready for a thrilling saga of my trip to Vegas!

About 4 months ago, my good friend Laura asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas with her.  I said, "HELL YES!".  So, she planned the whole thing out and three days after I graduated it was time for some fun in Vegas.

I had never been there before, so I was really excited about it.  I mean just about everyone I know talks about how great it is.  I was ready for it.

Before I begin, You've probably heard some of my audio posts here . Well, I apologize how boring those were.  I tried to keep you updated on what I did, but most the time I was drunk while I was leaving those messages, or I was out of breath from walking.  I'm kind of embarrassed at how lame I sound, but oh well. Also, I was able to send a bunch of sweet pictures to my moblog while I was there.  So, check those out, they're better, all I need is a better camera phone.


We left St. Louis at 8:45, and arrived at like 9:15 Vegas time.  It was the longest half hour flight ever.  I hadn't been on a plane in like 4 years before then.  My fascination is the bathroom.  Everything is totally miniaturized.  And the weird thing is, every time I'm on a plane, I gotta use it.  The coolest thing is when you use the sink.  You have to press a button for your sink water to drain, and i sucks down like a vacuum.  What was I talking about again, oh yeah, Vegas!

So, we got to our hotel at about 10:30.  We stayed at the Westward Ho!.  I'll show you a picture later.  First let me tell about the first thing I noticed in Vegas.  The Smut!!!  Craploads of Nude Girls, Strippers, Whores, whatever you want is just a phone call away.  They had huge banks of newspaper boxes filled with stuff, on every corner of every block.  I'll talk about that later too.

First, let me tell you a little something about our hotel.  Our hotel was Westward Ho!  It was probably the cheapest place on the strip.  I didn't have problem with that at all.  I thought the funny thing was.  About every other place on the strip advertises their great shows, Strippers, Comedians, Bands, or Magicians.  The Ho had big signs gloating about the fact that they had the worlds biggest hot dogs and they had Coors Light & Heineken Bottles for only 99 cents.

We had like 5 hours until we could check in to our hotel.  So it was time to go around and check out Vegas.  Our first stop on our journey down the strip was Caesars Palace.  They have a huge mall in there.  I found out later, this was common in the bigger hotels.  Most of them have a mall or something similar attached.  This was the first place I ever rode on a spiral escalator.  There were many shops and stuff in here.  Nothing really exciting.

One of the things we saw in there that really surprised us was a big sign over one the sports memorabilia shops.  It said "Pete Rose here today!"  I thought nothing of it until I saw the table in front of the shop.  It really was Pete Rose!  What irony too!  I mean this guy got in trouble, and is pretty much banned from the MLB Hall of Fame because of him gambling on sporting events.  And where is he signing autographs?  At the gambling capitol of the world.  There was a dude there that said, all we have to do is buy one of the many Pete Rose items in the store, and Pete Rose will sign it for free.  I went inside.  They had 8 x 10 pictures of him.  They wanted $69.95 for it!  I don't like Pete Rose that much.

One of the other cool things in the mall was the Victoria's Secret there.  I wasn't shopping for thongs or anything, but Laura said it looked really cool.  I thought it looked like an      S&M Shop or something.  All they were missing was whips & chains.  I'm not too sure they didn't have any of that stuff, I didn't really look around the store.  I just wanted to pose with the wild looking mannequins.

Oh, if you see my hand, I'm trying to do the SuFi (or SuperFinger).  It's a Dane Cook bit.  Check out his site here to find out more about it.  To sum it up, it's in one of his bits that someone gave him the finger, but it was so big, it was like a Super Finger.


Oh, good news everyone.  There's about 4 McDonalds on the Vegas Strip.  So, don't worry, you can pick up a cheap fast food fix there.  The neat thing was at night they had the sparkly sign just like every other place in Vegas.

Near our hotel, a sign caught my eye at the Frontier.  Live Mud Wrestling.  Unfortunately it was on Thursday, Friday & Saturday Nights.  We were there Sunday through Thursday.  So, I didn't get to check out a mud wrestling show.

It doesn't matter though.  There's a place by my apartment called Woody's.  They have Spaghetti Wrestling every Tuesday night.  I'm sure the girls in Vegas are much hotter though.

Speaking of Hot.  Did I mention it was 104 degrees out there.  People were saying, "You should of been here last week when it was 112 out".  I was like holy crap!  I'm glad we weren't there then.  Oh, And another thing.  You may have heard something like in the desert, there's a dry heat, different from the humidity that I'm used to in the Midwest.  Bullshit! That doesn't mean anything if it's 104 outside.  I was pouring in sweat.  I had to take a shower twice a day because about 4 o'clock I'd feel dirty, covered in sweat.

We did stop by the frontier though, because they had a little caesars pizza inside there.  We don't really have any little caesars around us anymore, most of them closed down.  So, it was great to fill up on the greatest pizza and some crazy bread.

Before we got to checked in to the hotel, we found this awesome wax museum.  It was called Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.  Apparently it was really famous wax museum or something.  We shot some awesome pictures there.  The one above is me and the Rat Pack.

 Here's a few more....

Me and my new girlfriend, Jennifer Lopez.  Notice me grabbing her butt.

Here's Laura telling Oprah that the person on the couch should 'ditch the zero and find a hero'

Sorry to all you U2 fans out there.  But, I can't stand U2, and I especially hate Bono.  For some reason my friend Dan likes to dress up like Bono on Halloween.  He's crazy. haha

This is me and Billy Idol Rocking out.  Hey, does anyone remember that Cradle of Love video?  That chick in that video was so hot.  I wonder where she is now.  If you're the chick in that video and you're reading this, please email me!

Here I'm showing Abraham Lincoln how a cell phone works.  He didn't seem that impressed.  He kept asking me where the closest strip clubs were.

After checking in to the hotel, we looked at another hotel called 'The Flamingo'  It's Laura's favorite hotel.  She has a fascination with Flamingos.  If anyone out there has one, that they want to give away, let me know, I know she would take it off your hands for you. 

Anyway, the Flamingo was really neat.  In the back, they had this huge wildlife thing.  They had of course, flamingos, but my favorite to see were the penguins.  I really had no idea there were penguins who lived in warmer climates.  But, apparently there are.  These penguins are African Penguins.  It was cool watching them, because at the time, this lady was working there hosing off all their poop and stuff, and the penguins would follow her around everywhere.  When she was done cleaning, she got to pet all the penguins.  It seemed like the perfect job for my friend Geoff, who has a strange penguin fetish. 


We did a few things at night.  But, not much because we were really tired from waking up at 5am.  So, I'm going to end this article here, stay tuned for the next part of the Vegas trip in a day or too..

Comment on this article here.

- Greg