ronnie roadkill

A Salute to Skateboard Smack-Ups

Posted on 09. Jan, 2007 by in Half-Assed Posts

Hey everyone! Happy New Year. Nine days into the new year, and this is my first article. I haven’t done a ‘best of 2006’ list, but it’s coming. Anyway, the other day, I was thinking of a toy from my past. A toy called ‘Skateboard Smack-Ups’.

back of the box

You see, back in the 80s a baseball card company, named Topps, took a chance by releasing Garbage Pail Kids. They did very well, kids couldn’t get enough of them. And it wasn’t just the boys after ’em. Girls collected them too. Many toy companies saw this as a way to cash in on the gross market. Many products were made. From Madballs to Mad Scientist’s Dissect an Alien kit, each one grosser than the next.

skateboard smack-ups

It was all over the place. Kids were eating that stuff up. One day, some brilliant executive at Playtime toys had an idea:

gross factor

On his presentation, he suggested that something gross mixed with a the 80s skateboard craze would equal big bucks. And, I don’t really know if he was right, but it made an impression in my youth.

ronnie roadkill

So, lets look at these unfortunate skateboarders. This first action figure’s name is Ronnie Roadkill. He was riding around through town on his board when all of a sudden, he hit a raccoon. Don’t ask me how it ended up on his head.

amy asphalt

This is Amy Asphalt. From the way this figure looks, she must have fallen into some hot asphalt and gotten back on her board. There’s no way she rolled through some asphalt, since her wheels are totally clean. Anyway, you’re starting to get the idea with these figures. They’re very similar to Garbage Pail Kids.

carrie cardoor & betty bumpers

Here’s Carrie Cardoor, who ran into a cardoor, and Betty Bumpers, who ran into the bumper of the car. Somewhere there’s a car missing both a cardoor & bumper.

rich stiched

I don’t even understand Rich Stiched. He looks like a mummy or something. And his head is attached to his butt. His name should be Melvin Malpractice.

four figures

To speed up this long boring article. Here’s a picture of four of the figures. From Left to Right – Sammy Stop Sign, Timmy Tire Track, Rich Stiched, & Patty Plateglass. I remember having Sammy when I was younger. It was lost long ago. This most disturbing one here is Patty, since she’s got shards of glass embedded everywhere in her skin.

lois lowbranch

Next is Lois Lowbranch. Instead of a branch knocking her off her board, she took the branch with her, along with a bird’s nest. Wow, how clever.. Hahahahahhahaha….

tammy tailpipe

Here’s my favorite of the bunch, Tammy Tailpipe. I mean, first of all she’s fat. Second she was freakin impaled by a tailpipe. How does that happen? She must be very short.

So, anyway, there’s a look at a few of the ‘Skateboard Smack-Ups’ from 1986. Back in the day, they were hilarious and a great novelty. Now, they just seem pretty tame, and very unoriginal. It seems that after seeing people eat a horse penis on tv, these things seem pretty uninteresting. So, from a 29 year old perspective, I don’t think they’re that cool. But, from a 8 – 9 year old perspective (which is what I was at the time), they’re the greatest thing ever!


12 Responses to “A Salute to Skateboard Smack-Ups”

  1. Justin

    07. Oct, 2007

    Those things are so much worse than i remembered (and I thought they were bad back then)! I had Tammy Tailpipe and my brother had Rich Stitched. Good times with bad GPK ripoffs.

  2. xuxppxxuxyyy

    25. Dec, 2008

    hello it is test. WinRAR provides the full RAR and ZIP file support, can decompress CAB, GZIP, ACE and other archive formats.

  3. Jeremy

    16. Mar, 2009

    I always wanted these, as a kid, but could never find them in the stores. They came out around the same time as the “Supernaturals” toy line. The 80’s had some of the most creative toys, hands down!

  4. Teedo

    25. Mar, 2009

    I have Lois Lowbranch and Tammy Tailpipe… does anyone know if there is a resale value on these items… I am not fortunate enough to have them in the package, seeing as how I couldn’t keep my grubby hands off of them as a child. Both of mine are in great condition and I haven’t really had much luck finding a place to sell them. However I did notice that the bottoms of the skateboards have an inked ID number of some sort… any ideas? Please email me – unsweetndt@hotmail

  5. Becky

    27. Mar, 2010

    All 12 are for sale on ebay right now!

  6. Jason

    02. Aug, 2010

    These are totally awesome!! My brother and I had a few of them. I’ve been trying to find a few for purchase, but when I see them on Ebay (Very rarely), people are charging an arm and a leg for them. Although not as pricy as a Trash Bag Bunch, still in the original package. Trash Bag Bunch are the figures that were in little trash bags that would dissolve when you put them in a bowl of warm water.

  7. tami

    15. Sep, 2011

    I have a bunch of these smack ups by playtime products inc. cabbage patch kids. Is there any one out there that collects them or could tell me the value roughly of them, I do not have the packaging though

    Thanks a bunch

  8. Pozycjonowanie

    14. Dec, 2011

    I like what you guys tend to be up too. This type of clever work and exposure! Keep up the wonderful works guys I’ve added you guys to my personal blogroll.

  9. Bielizna Sklep

    20. Dec, 2011

    Greetings from Idaho! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to check out your site on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, great site!

  10. John

    25. Dec, 2011

    I had all 12 of these as a kid, and kept them up until I was 34, then suddenly they dissapeared. I think someone stole them :0(

  11. Phil

    23. Jun, 2012

    Hi All

    I have had a few of these toys for years and am looking for Amy Asphalt. If any of you have one you’d like to sell please contact me.



    Western Australia


  1. Torpedo Run | half-assed productions - July 11, 2018

    […] on this and failed. But, toy companies in the 80s liked to take a shot on products. (See: Pogo-Bal, Skateboard Smack-Ups and many […]

Leave a Reply